Hector Rocks The House
by Wicce Moon
Summary: Hector gets a rematch!  An overnight brings House, Hector, and Wilson together for an entertaining evening.


**Title: **"Hector Rocks The House"

**Author: **Wicce Moon (aka Later, Sandy)

**Rating: **Teen

**Prompt: **Both

**Pairing: **House and Hector? Hehehehe

**Warning: **If you don't think things like this can happen, get a Boston Terrier or two!

House butted in the cafeteria line in front of Wilson for another memorable lunch. "You buying?" House snarked, loading his tray up with the usual Reuben and chips.

Wilson sighed and surprised House. "I am." Was all he said. Wilson gave him that sheepish out the corner of his eye look and smiled.

House stopped in line and stared at his friend. "You want something." House's blue eyes narrowed as he glared at Wilson and started moving again while adding a few extras to his tray. "Going to tell me, or is it a twenty questions kind of lunch?" House asked, eyeing him suspiciously as they approached the desserts.

"I need a favor." Wilson said. House looked at the selection in front of him and added an item or two to his tray. Wilson said nothing.

"You're not complaining?" House baited. This has got to be a big one." They found a table and started eating as House waited for the sales pitch. "So what great big favor does little Jimmy need?" House asked, starting to wolf down his lunch while Wilson was still neatly unloading his tray.

"The ex is having the condo flea bombed." Wilson began.

House stopped in mid bite. "No."

"House, it's only for one night. After he's been dipped." Wilson argued.

"That hairy set of dentures destroyed some of my prized possessions the last time he bunked with me." House protested.

"You know I can't have Hector at my apartment. I'd spring for beer." Wilson offered.

"No." House said with his mouth full of Reuben sandwich.

"Pizza?" Wilson upped the ante.

"No." House thought for a moment rolling his eyes at Wilson. "What else?"

"What else? What else do you need on a Friday night, you idiot?" Wilson stared at him

"Beer and pizza and you stay over. Sleep on the couch and keep and eye on your Tasmanian mop so he doesn't eat anything that doesn't belong to him…moron"

"We'll fill him so full of pizza he'll sleep all night." Wilson assured his greedy friend as House devoured his Reuben and thought it over. But Wilson knew he'd hit the right buttons. Pizza, beer and a Friday night's entertainment at Wilson's expense, even House couldn't resist such an offer. Wilson got the okay and said he'd be there at seven.

Wilson arrived on time and managed to get the pizza and beer and Hector in the door when House said it was open. "Thanks for the help." Wilson said, taking in the sight of his friend sprawled on the couch in front of the TV with the remote in hand.

"Figured I'd stay out of your way." House mumbled, easing himself upright and surveying his houseguests with no small look of annoyance. "Here, let me lighten the load." House offered. Wilson stopped in front of the couch so House could take something. House ripped a small hole in the top of the box and grabbed a beer, making a face at Wilson. "Better get those in the fridge." House motioned back toward the kitchen as Wilson stared at him in disbelief.

Hector glanced up at his old friend glaring at him from the couch. "House's house of hairy mutts…one night…that's all you get pal." House snarked.

Wilson half tossed the pizza on the coffee table and made his way to the kitchen dropping the leash on his way. Hector heard the leash hit the floor and saw Wilson leave.

"I'm free! Hey buddy, long time no see! I see you've got a new cane…looks tasty! Nice shoes! I bet they're tasty too. How about the box dad brought? I know something tasty is in that."

House watched his shaggy nemesis make the rounds, sniffing his cane and his shoes before zeroing in on the food. "Don't even think about it!" House said, raising an eyebrow. Hector ignored him and wandered toward the kitchen like he owned the place.

Hey! Dad said I could have some. Up yours, buddy!"

"Scare him off already?" Wilson said, walking in with a beer and some paper plates. He made himself at home on the couch as Hector followed him out and managed to jump on the couch between them.

House stared wide-eyed at the intruder of his personal space and set Hector unceremoniously on the floor. "Apparently not! That's your space. This is mine." House egged Hector on, stretching out on the couch and propping his feet up on the coffee table.

"Aw come on House, lighten up. I told Hector he had a hot date with you. I was even bringing pizza and beer to get him back in your good graces." Wilson teased.

House glared at Wilson before reaching for the pizza. "Hot date." House grumbled, putting some pizza on his plate. "You'll have a hot date with the toe of my shoe…"

"Date? Are dates tasty? That pizza looks tasty. Shoes are tasty!"

House and Wilson settled in for some TV to go with the pizza and beer but Hector was a continual distraction. He was looking into, under, and behind everything as if he was searching for some long lost treasure he hid during his brief stay earlier. He would continue his annoying behavior until Wilson fed him a pizza crust…then another, and another.

House watched Wilson's quixotic dust mop search for monsters and other unknown things that go bump in the night as he inspected every nook and cranny of the apartment. Hector finally decided to chase the "evil tail" that kept following him until he tired of that game after a dozen or so laps in either direction. That earned him two pizza crusts and some less than flattering comments from House.

"You're teaching him to be an idiot." House said, not taking his eyes from the TV.

"What?" Wilson said, staring at WWF unblinking as he took another long drink.

"When he acts like an idiot you give him a treat. He eats and goes back to being an idiot." House said, glaring at Hector as Hector wagged his tail at House.

"You mean like you…at the hospital?" Wilson snarked. He and House rolled their eyes at one another.

I should have expected an answer like that, from a moron like you." House fussed.

Wilson grinned. "Aw, did I get one up on the limping twerp?"

"Shut up!"

Hector watched them snipe at one another, his head turning slightly at each exchange. "Tell him dad. Tell him! Good dad!" It was over too quick. House and Wilson went back to staring at the idiot box in silence and Hector went in search of other things that might be tasty. Scope them out now and file them under "snacks" for later.

It was an hour and four more beers or so later when the sound of serious thrashing and bouncing off a wall caused House and Wilson to glance at one another. "Hector." They said in unison. Wilson was up, House hobbling behind him as the lamp in the corner of the living room flickered off. Hector suddenly launched from that vicinity.

The only thing missing was the red cape. Hector flew like Superman several feet past Wilson and landed directly at House's feet. Both men stared in shocked silence as Hector got up and shook something off from head to toe and wandered toward the couch, dazed but seemingly unscathed. House stared at Hector, waiting by the coffee table for more pizza. He kept shaking his head and checking his underbelly to make sure "little Hector" was still there.

Wilson looked in the corner where the lamp had been plugged in as House ambled in that direction. The lamp flickered on.

"What the…" House started to say.

"The cord's fine. It was unplugged." Wilson said, rubbing the back of his neck and shaking his head. "Hector…unplugged it?"

House made a face at Wilson. "Does Hector check all the electrical cords to make sure they have current running through them? Is this something he does for more pizza when mommy and daddy are ignoring him?" House ranted as he eschewed any more beer in lieu of his whiskey. He poured himself a healthy couple of shots and offered Wilson some as well. "Gee. I'm not getting any attention for five minutes. I think I'll commit suicide. There's a tasty lamp cord!" House watched Hector tilt his head a bit when House said tasty. House's eyes narrowed.

"House, you're being mean." Wilson said.

House shook his head in disbelief at what he'd just heard from his best friend's mouth. "Hector almost gives both of us a coronary and I'm being mean." House echoed. "Tasty?" House repeated. Is that a mommy word or my daddy's a moron word?" Hector's expression brightened as House talked to him.

House took a long drink of whiskey. "Is daddy a moron?" House smiled at Hector and he wagged his tail a little before checking on little Hector again.

Wilson glared at House. "House, he's a dog…" Wilson started to explain as he went to check on Hector.

"Ah we're playing state the obvious. Daddy's a moron and Hector's a dog. And House needs another drink." House said, going for a refill as Wilson checked Hector out.

"He seems fine."

"I'm sure he does. He probably cleaned every bit of plaque from his arteries that's accumulated from the last eighteen years of pizza crusts and bread crusts…"

"House…" Wilson sighed.

House towered over them as Wilson scratched Hector's head. "That's it, praise him. Good boy, Hector. You survived a handshake with 'Mr. One hundred and ten volts.' Maybe you'd like to try Mr. two twenty for a grand finale? I don't have any of those handy. You'd have to have daddy call an electrician. Maybe they can deliver it…just like pizza!"

"House, go back to your WWF and relax." Wilson said, trying to calm him down.

"Sure." House continued to rant, plopping down on the couch and putting his feet up. "Dog tries to fry himself in the corner and we already ate. Hot dogs are on tomorrow's menu, Hector. I'll tell you when it's about lunch time…"

"House!" Wilson pleaded as Hector checked on little Hector again. "Is daddy's boy okay?" Wilson coaxed, making absolutely sure as House rolled his eyes skyward.

"No daddy's boy is not okay." House said to himself. "Daddy's boy is a moron…. just like daddy! Didn't you ever tell him during those important man-to-man talks that electricity's already been discovered? Didn't you tell him when unplugging things from outlets to keep all gums and teeth on the plastic and behind the shiny metal prongs? Shame on daddy, Hector, shame on daddy the moron." House ranted as he tried to settle back into more WWF. A few minutes later Wilson joined him on the sofa.

Both men stared at the TV in silence but the slightest noise had both of them looking after that. Every time Hector was out of sight House was craning his neck over the back of the couch or making Wilson get up and see what he was up to.

An hour or so and several shots later it was around bedtime. Wilson took Hector outside for a quick evening walk. "Hope everything comes out all right." House snarked from the couch as Wilson and Hector went outside.

They were back soon enough. House was exactly as Wilson had found him when he first arrived, sprawled out on the couch in front of the TV with the remote in his hand. House was sound asleep, mildly snoring and from the amount of alcohol, Wilson decided against waking him. For all of the chastising and whining House had done him a favor by letting Hector hang out for the night so Wilson cleaned up the mess on the coffee table. He tidied up in the kitchen too, shaking his head at the pile of dirty dishes and age hardened food as he put them to soak till morning. He scanned the cupboards and refrigerator for something he could make them for breakfast and had a rough idea of where to start.

Wilson found a blanket and threw it over House for the night. He decided if House was taking the couch then it was good to be Wilson! Wilson got to sleep in the bed. As he turned down the lights and made sure House's cane and all other items of importance were up and out of reach an evil idea came to mind.

Why put everything up? All he had to do was put Hector up. Wilson carefully put Hector on the couch next to House and Hector tentatively scooted on House's chest and curled up for the night. Wilson stifled a laugh as House absentmindedly tossed his arm over his "date" for the evening. Hector inched forward and Wilson watched his brave old boy take his life in his hands.

"Whiskey…" Hector sniffed. "But pizza too. Tasty!" He licked House once. Twice. There were no signs of life other than quiet snoring. "Dates are tasty!" Hector decided. "So…Do you kiss on the first date?" Hector thought as he started to kiss House.

Wilson clamped his hand over his mouth to keep from laughing as Hector proceeded to clean House's tonsils as House remained in a happy coma. House even wrapped his arm around Hector a little tighter.

Wilson couldn't resist taking a few pictures with his cell phone for future blackmail purposes before calling it a night. Yet another memorable evening at his friend's, Wilson thought as he climbed into bed and called it a night.

And when House woke up in the morning and wondered what died in his mouth after all the beer and whiskey? Well, Wilson would have the pictures to show him! Yes, it was good to be Wilson!


End file.
